Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
