why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
