'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
