There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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