My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I think I sprained my soul last night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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