I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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