the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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