New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
