So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
