Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
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