they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
