Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
