You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
