the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
