I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
