I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
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It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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