I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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