I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
