Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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