This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
