Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
