Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
