I wanna passion pit in your ass
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
