I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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