Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
