Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
