everyone is single if you try hard enough
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
