Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
