no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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