Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
