Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
it's like iHOP with fire
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
