Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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