Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
