either way he was missing a nipple.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
