arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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