Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
