I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Pooping to opera.
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