hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
