..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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