I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just found a bag of teeth...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
