Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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