I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
