I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
