just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
