Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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