I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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