After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
