All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
