Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
