I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
