I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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