Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
