i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
