i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
