1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
